Down Town Vancouver Neighbourhoods BJ Betty 2003-03-22

Fiddlehead Joe’s

For my first outing with the Breakfast Armada crew, I have to say I was very impressed as I was shown an exceptionally good time. Not as good of a time as the backseat of a Camaro after an eight pack of Wildcats, mind you, but the conversation did yield a nice blend of intelligent, comical and witty blether. Dirty Johnny finally showed his feminine side and all of us, including the waitress couldn’t resist but to laugh at this girlie-man.

I was blown away (not literally) with Fiddlehead Joe’s first-class style, beautiful view, great location, amazing food and friendly service. Don’t get me wrong; this wasn’t quite the breakfast utopia we’d been searching for, but they did do a very respectable job. Thankfully Agent M made reservations because this little restaurant was busy and definitely not big enough to please, if you know what I mean. We walked directly past the line-up Saturday morning and straight to our seats, drawing a minimum of stares from the twenty-something Yaletown crowd. Then came the wait. The only time the server came by was to take one of our tables away that we didn’t end up needing (Duck-boy ended up bailing, last minute, no doubt involved in some insidious felching party). Agent M said he had asked for a coffee and had been waiting around 20-30 minutes for his java and us. Some ten minutes later, Lauren, our waitress, rushed by and tossed us some menus. An impatient Johnny tried to request some beverages and was abruptly told that she’d be back to take our drink orders. At this stage I was curious if she even wanted to be paid for her services. I mean, am I the only one in this city who knows how to properly service groups of men? Anyway, by now Lauren must have seen me furiously scribbling on my notepad as she returned and most promptly satisfied our drink demands. From then on the sails took wind and the service improved.

I can’t even find words to describe how exceptional the food is at Fiddlehead’s and you definitely can’t beat the price for what you get. I know, I know, I haven’t been around much (yeah, right) to compare this restaurant to the others, but really, where else can you get a lox and sweet onion scramble with fresh dill and cream cheese for only $8? What’s missing? There was widespread consensus on the overall lack of condiments on the table. Ketchup with your hash browns or jam with your toast anyone? Nope. Only Dirty Johnny didn’t mind as he’s on this high-protein, no-carb diet. Apparently Johnny is weaning himself off of sugar in a poor attempt to lose weight; he’s completely convinced (from some feminine diet book he read) that an all-protein diet is the way to go. This site alone should be example enough to have taught Ol’ Dirts that you shouldn’t believe everything you read thus we were all trying to convince him that carbs are necessary for a well-balanced diet. Besides, who’s going to eat the leftover country herb toast and Fiddlehead Joe’s special decorative miniature banana muffins?

The bashing of DJ didn’t stop here. Next, Johnny ordered himself a tea and the waitress, of course, inquired as to what kind he’d like. Legs crossed, wrists flailing, Dirty Johnny said, “Oh you know, any kind of girly, berry tea is fantastic.” Once the signature Tazo berry flavoured tea labelled “Passion” arrived, he exclaimed with an even more pronounced lisp than usual, “Oooh it’s sooo good!” Not surprisingly the waitress didn’t hesitate to give him the old “is he or isn’t he?” test. When Johnny asked for more “girlie tea”, she replied “What’s wrong with girls?” Immediately, he subsumed his usual comportment and slyly replied, “Nothing at all, toots.” My conclusion: after this incident and all his talk about wanting to live in Yaletown as we made our way to Fiddleheads, I’m starting to think that Johnny, not Duck-boy, may be the closet case among the crew.
Fruity teas and fruitier men aside, the food was terrific. Junior thoroughly enjoyed his thickly minced corned beef as did Agent M his turkey hash; although he astutely pointed out that our breakfasts didn’t come with enough sweet potatoes. If you’re going to add sweet potatoes to the hash browns, then do it right Fiddlehead Joe, go all out. Both meals came in at an easy to swallow $9, were coated with hollandaise, a tomato-based sauce and various tasty herbs, and, for the most part, left the lads in hash-heaven. And as we all know, Agent M loves his hash.

After vacuuming up his exquisite $10 asparagus, roasted onion and goat cheese laced skillet frittata, Johnny didn’t fail to mention how his side order of short, brown chorizo sausage was the best piece of meat he’d ever had. Trust me, he’s had his share of meat, so this is no small praise. The only thing I could critique about the food is that the portions were merely fair, nothing overtly large or special. Dirty Johnny was still hungry; but yes, that would be the point, he is on a diet so he ordered the meal sans hash browns. Watching him count calories provoked an endless loop of Body Break segments to replay in my head while Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod repeatedly intoned, “keep fit and have fun!” Those holier-than-thou assholes! As I scarfed down my rich hunks of salmon lox and cholesterol-laden eggs, I fashioned my own Yaletown Body Break slogan for Johnny, “Keep slim and have none.” Sucker.

On another note, I shouldn’t fail to mention that we met the infamous Fiddlehead Joe himself. Obviously misled into somehow thinking we were halfway credible journalists, he took the time to come over and chat with us. He’s a very friendly man who obviously has great taste.

So our tab came to $48.52 tab for four, including drinks. This was nothing to whine about as we agreed this was very affordable considering the quality. Besides, we’re all fabulously well paid.

As for talent, hmm… the guys could only muster up a three out of five. BJ Betty was very disappointed with the lack of yummy boys at this hosh posh breakfast place. Where are all the hotties in Vancouver’s restaurant scene? Where is the male version of the Cat’s Meow? For all you ladies out there, I’m on the hunt. Having heard good things about the Milestone’s on Robson, I’m thinking we just may be docking there next.

Bottom line: Fantastically trendy, tremendously tasty, and very reasonably priced.

One damn good breakfast!